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Columns

  • Spider and the whiskey bomb

    When a news headline contains the phrases “BB gun,” “whiskey bomb” and “chickens,” I click and read it every time. Granted, it’s only happened once (that being yesterday) but I did click and read it, which does technically mean I’ve done it every time it’s happened.

  • Beans and sausage

    There I was, sitting on my couch Sunday night looking for something to watch. The Olympics were officially over, which had filled my viewing time for the previous two weeks. It was 11 p.m., and there was NOTHING on that interested me in the least (which is basically the case anytime of day, any day of the week, but I digress). I flipped through my channel guide for several minutes before finally seeing something that piqued my interest.

    “Johnsonville Cornhole Championships, from Orlando Florida.”

  • Don't call us

    Increasingly, I've gotten to the point that I just don't want to answer the phone anymore. It's not that I'm anti-social or unfriendly, it's more because I didn't enter any contests and I probably didn't win the fabulous trip to the Happy Daquiri and Bikini Island chain that I'm being told I did.

  • Getting buff

    I don’t make a practice of lifting heavy things very often. When I was younger had more time to work out, I had some old gym shorts and a t-shirt I kept in my car to change into, so as not to stink up whatever clothes I was wearing. Over time, those workout clothes started to stink and, man, I hated doing laundry back then. The whole thing just got to be a hassle. Well, a fellow in Florida recently found an ingenious method to avoid that whole situation.

  • I got brew babe

    Why does my one of my favorite holidays get overlooked?

    For one, my favorite festivity takes place during the infamous Holiday Void.  Most of us turn the calendar on Jan. 1 and then stop in from time to time to view our progress on the inevitable March to April 15.  There aren’t a whole lot of options, so this date should have the holiday market cornered at this point in the year. 

  • The states have questions, I have answers

    Like most people, I sometimes use the Internet to find answers to questions. Maybe I’ll remember a line from a song but can’t remember the title, I’ll forget who acted in a particular movie or (very frequently) I’ll ask for directions to some place or another, so I turn to a search engine and tap into the collective knowledge of mankind. Apparently, some people are asking the Internet much deeper questions than “how do I get to Turbeville from here?”

  • Bugging your sweetheart (Or, What Not to Get Me, Valentines Edition)

    In our venerable profession, the morning slog through all of the interesting mail has been replaced by the morning slog through all of the interesting email and Twitter feeds, and unlike my editor, I never get popcorn in the email or in the feeds.

    One particular, dare I say it, “juicy” item on Twitter caught my attention and combined with thoughts of What do I get Jenny for Valentines Day? has sparked an idea.

    For a fee, you can get the Bronx Zoo to name one of their hissing Madagascar cockroaches after your sweetheart.

  • Free stuff in the mail!
  • Free chickens and ornery raccoons
  • BILLY ON BEER: New year, new beer

    I made a number of resolutions this year, two of which I will share with you today.

    My first resolution was to keep moving forward. In that spirit, I vowed that I would surround myself with forward-thinking individuals, organizations and ideas. Ironically, this line of thinking brought me back to individuals, organizations and ideas from years past. The most notable of those was a beer that I, due to narrow vision, wrote off ages ago.