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Columns

  • In a pig's eye (or foot)

    I often use this space to brag about my culinary successes, like taming the monster that is proper preparation of beef ribs. That being the case, it only seems fair that I also document my gigantic cooking flops.

  • A very long stick

    A lot of questions have probably been asked by people in Hawaii who live near the massive and prolonged volcanic eruptions that continue to destroy property and threaten lives. When should I evacuate? What is the quickest route to safety? How fast does flowing lava move? Can I borrow a really long stick?

  • Get Lost
  • The Wild Kingdom

    When faced with a terrifying threat, when did the mindset of people change from “OH (BLEEPITY BLEEP BLEEP) RUN,” to “let me get a picture of this to put on Facebook?”

  • The Dasani Bandit

    When a news release from a police department seeking the public’s help in arresting a person contains the phrase “help us catch him, once you stop laughing” the criminal in question is obviously doing a lot of things wrong.

  • The hat trick

    There was obvious interest in both directions as soon as their eyes met. There was an attraction that was strong and almost immediate. The two would, without question, be going home together that night. I’m talking, of course, about myself…and a bag of barbecue cheese puffs.

  • The giant spider invasion

    I came across a photo on the interwebs not too long ago of the Radio Shack Archer Space Patrol Base Station. It brought back some good memories.

  • The scary robots are coming for your money!

    When I was a kid and saw cartoons or science fiction movies that included robots doing “peopley stuff” (a technical term) like talking, walking on two legs or (in the case of the Jetson’s) cooking and cleaning, I was eager to embrace that future. That was partly because I was fascinated by the possibilities…and I was dumb, stupid and shortsighted.

  • The wild, wild Westworld

    The last thing I needed was an argument.  The second to last thing I needed was to set the record straight.   

     

  • Broken phones and live bait

    I’ve told you this before, but sometimes it bears repeating…customer service is dead.