.....Advertisement.....
.....Advertisement.....

Columns

  • Peanut butter and nanner dog food

    “Hey, I need some help with something. What are some Elvis songs?” News & Reporter office manager/jack-of-all-trades Marissa asked on Monday.

    My mind is a repository for lots of useless information and that includes an entire wing devoted to that singing truck driver from Tupelo, Mississippi. It was the rare occasion when something in my head could be of help to somebody, but her question left me curious. What practical, work-related purpose could songs by Elvis have?

    “Why do you need Elvis song titles?” I asked.

  • Tucker and Gracie's Excellent Adventure...Williamsburg, Part II

    In part one of this column, I detailed how my wife made the scurrilous, slanderous, outrageous claim that I had concocted this whole “walk my dogs in every county” thing as an excuse to eat at barbecue restaurants around the state. I also told you that I decided on our Williamsburg walk that we’d be eating at Scott’s Barbecue (a total coincidence) and I waxed nostalgic about my only previous trip to Scott’s…

  • Tucker and Gracie's Excellent Adventure...Williamsburg, Part I

    “This dog-walking thing is just an excuse for you to eat barbecue, isn’t it?” my wife asked recently.

    My wife asked this because, well, she’s a smart, perceptive person.

  • Tucker and Gracie's Excellent Adventure...Aiken

    Recently, I walked my two faithful hounds (Tucker and Gracie) in downtown Aiken…or, did they walk me? We’ll get back to that in a minute.

  • Tucker and Gracie's Excellent Adventure...Georgetown, part II
  • Tucker and Gracie's Excellent Adventure...York

    I saw a statue of a young, slim Elvis in a gold lame suit, hips swiveled in the direction of the mic stand he was holding onto, right down the street from a wedding chapel. So of course I was in…York?

    That does not mean anyone should mistake York for Las Vegas. I didn’t see any card tables, free drinks or, you know, other less wholesome stuff they have in Las Vegas. It does mean York is interesting and different than you might think.

  • Tucker and Gracie's Excellent Adventure...Georgetown

    It was bound to happen sooner or later.

    As I’ve endeavored to walk my dogs in all 46 South Carolina counties, the experiences have been overwhelmingly positive. We’ve encountered nice people and seen some corners of the Palmetto State that had previously been foreign to us. I’ve known from the get-go, however, that we’d eventually hit turbulence. If you do anything 46 times, you are likely going to have at least a few stinkers in the mix. Stinker is an excellent description of our trip to Georgetown.

  • Tucker and Gracie's Excellent Adventure...Oconee

    “Little-known fact,” I said, channeling Cliff Clavin for a second. “Western Union was actually founded right here in West Union.”

    “Really?” my mother-in-law asked.

    “No. I completely made that up. There’s no way that’s actually true.”

  • Bro, do you even Southern?

    I had a weird dream the other day and I’d like to share it with my faithful readers.

    (Cue dream music as the screen dissolves)

    I dreamt I was on the witness stand in a courtroom somewhere beyond the universe. The case was whether my Southern Card was going to be taken away. The prosecuting attorney was someone who looked like Hamilton Burger, the DA from the old Perry Mason TV show. My defense attorney was Matlock.

    Burger (DA): Mr. Garner, you claim to be a Southern boy?

    Defendant (Me): That's right.

  • Tucker and Gracie's Excellent Adventure...Fairfield

    In almost  every sense, Fairfield County presents a study in contrasts. Sometimes maddening, occasionally jarring, often hilarious contrasts.