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Columns

  • Banned by Brian, the 2019 edition

    Once again in the wordsmith business you hear (and perhaps use) all sorts of words. And sometime you see (and perhaps even contribute) a lot of overused words. According to the Global Language Monitor website, the top used word for 2018 was (and this is one I haven’t written about, but it shows I think the mindset of society these days) “weaponize”.

  • Mookkie can't outsmart my dogs

    Have you ever thought to yourself “boy, I’d love the companionship of a dog, but GAH, you have to, like, buy them a bowl and put food in it and who has time for that?”

  • As the stomach turns

    I noticed the other day that my stomach was a tad upset. I’m sure most people deal with a bloated belly or a little indigestion from time to time, but I’m not most people. My guts are essentially crafted from scrap iron. I’ve never encountered anything spicy enough, gluten-y (if that’s even a word) enough or lactose-ish (I’m sure that’s not a word) enough to negatively impact my innards.

    “Maybe it’s something you ate,” my wife helpfully suggested.

  • Why I hate shopping, reason number 27,000

    I love Christmas. The reason it’s celebrated, the opportunity to spend time with family, the general good spirits it seems to bring out in us all, I love it all. What I don’t love is Christmas shopping.

  • The Finger(s)
  • Much ado about livermush

    I was coming back from a story in Richburg recently when I heard a horn honk off to my left, looked over and saw a law enforcement officer of my acquaintance in the next lane. He’s a nice guy, but he has some strange ideas about what breakfast is. (You know who you are).

    At a stop light, I rolled down my window and said brightly, “What are you doing out at this hour?” (It was not yet 9 a.m.)

  • I'm disappointed in Brian

    I’m rarely disappointed in reporter Brian Garner. He works hard, he’s a great writer, he loves Chester and he is a renaissance man in almost every sense. History, pop culture…he knows enough about most things to at least carry on a conversation about them, particularly on things that are uniquely Southern. Imagine my dismay then, when he revealed to me last week that not only had he never eaten livermush (or liver pudding depending on your location) but he didn’t even know what it was.

  • Read the label, dummy

    Apparently, it sometimes pays to actually read labels.

  • BILLY ON BEER: Tis the season...for anything but pumpkin

    Good news everyone.  We survived Pumpkin season.  Barely.

     

    From mid September through early November, everything from coffee to car wax is flavored with pumpkin (don’t ask how I found out about the car wax).  That includes beer, which gets spiked with all the things that remind us of pumpkin, but aren’t anything close to real pumpkin. 

     

    Scary, I know. 

     

  • Coming to a bathroom near you!